Fighting Demons

I decided to hold off on the post I had planned for this week to take a minute and share with you some recent struggles. Often, when I succeed, I hear, “But it’s so easy for you!” It actually isn’t. I work hard at overcoming my demons just like everyone else. Sometimes, my demons get the best of best of me. My personality type and my personal dysfunctions generally prevent me from letting people see that inner struggle, but it’s there, and I’m working on it.

Lent has always been my favorite time of the year. I love the Gospel readings of Jesus’s teachings. I love all the purple. I love the music. There’s a raw open quality to it that I admire and love, a quality I wish I had more of. It’s a time when grief, pain, and sadness are ok. It’s a time when are limitations are ok. The Christian message is that those things are ok all the time, but that tends to get lost on mainstream Christianity that asks me to say 24/7 that things are well with my soul. The truth is that I need Christ because my emotional insides are a hot mess.

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Easter Revelations

I mentioned in an earlier post that I generally spend the Easter season processing my Lenten experiences.  The past two years have marked more spiritual growth than the previous 40 years.  Not that I haven’t made personal progress in my live, but the last two years have been focused on my spiritual growth more than anything else.

For most of my life, I have largely ignored God’s call.  It hasn’t been intentional.  It’s been a side effect of my crappy self-esteem.  I valued the opinions of others more than my own.  Not very helpful given that few people really know me well.

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Holy Week Recovery

My favorite time of the year?  From Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday.  For me, Lent through Easter evokes deep spiritual transformation and emotional release.  Easter Sunday marks a new year both spiritually and mentally, but like the actual new year, it generally starts with some rest and reflection.  Holy Week, with its multiple religious services, can be emotionally draining.  To really walk with Christ during that time requires some emotional fortitude.

One of my new spiritual practices was to write every day during Holy Week, which turned into some insightful reflections and revelations regarding my personal relationship with Christ.  Praying or meditating three times a day deepened my connection to God and his creation.  Of course, as with all new habits, the development of those habits necessitated significant effort.  All of my Lenten practices required more time interacting with other people.  As an Introvert, that alone leaves me needing a recharge.

So for me, the Easter season has become a quiet time of resting and letting the fruits of my labor grow with the Spring.  The little sprouts of spiritual growth bathe in the rain and the sun, and my Faith becomes a more passive activity of simply basking in the joy of God’s love.  For me, Easter isn’t about doing.  Easter is just about being.

My heart and soul are healing from the trauma and growth of Holy Week.  I am fully submitted to God’s will.  I am allowing God to God’s work while I await a call on Pentecost to go out into the world and do great works.  I’m living with Christ and letting his words shape my thoughts, words, and deeds.

Despite the joyous nature of the season, it is, for me, a time to be alone in God’s creation.  Spending time with my horses and my dogs in the quiet of the woods rejuvenates me and connects me more deeply to the Risen Lord.  It helps me to feel more deeply the joy of the Resurrection.  I find myself once again believing in the power of the Holy Spirit and the miracles that God will perform on our behalf when we ask in Christ’s name.

During the Easter season, I recharge my soul with the power of Faith, with the power God endowed to us in our Baptism by the fire of the Holy Spirit.  I allow myself to enveloped by the love of God and allow myself to accept that I am a beloved child of God.  I live in the knowledge that I share in the Resurrection with my Lord and Savior.

What does Easter mean for you?  How do your spiritual practices change to celebrate the Resurrection?